Avengers Assemble [2012]

In light of the new Captain America movie, the second instalment of Marvel's ensemble and a Batman Vs Superman flick all arriving at our big screens in the coming months (or year), I thought it high time I got round to ticking off the first of the Avengers pictures from my proverbial list.

The superhero franchises have very much become the back bone of the western world's summer blockbuster box office battles (love a good alliteration). But with so many of them being re-made, re-booted, 'sequalled' and now merged, it has become increasingly more difficult to keep up with affairs and know which ones are worth spending my hard earned pocket money on. As a non-comic book fan growing up, I was still keenly aware of the heroes and heroines we all wished we could emulate and have never failed to feel the tingling adolescent excitement when one goes into overdrive and saves the world (or New York city as is often the case one way or another). I still remember the excitement when Tim Burton's Batman re-imagining swooped awkwardly about to defeat Jack Nicholson and Danny Devito. I remember too the awe filled hours watching Christopher Reeve remove his thick-rimmed spectacles and plank in suspended animation in front of early special effects green-screens (even reversing the direction of the Earth to turn back time!). Then, of course came the addition of digital special effects, bringing a whole new look and realm of visual possibility.

Without going through my own history of superhero films in any detail, there have been some hits and many more misses, leading to a state of utter indifference as to the build up, hype and anticipation of any new release. I did not enjoy Elektra. Nor did I enjoy Daredevil. I have a vague recollection of Billy Zane in purple spandex too, equally un-enjoyable. But I like to remain positive where possible. The development and introduction of the Marvel super-people has been handled quite well. Though some of the individual outings of the Avengers ensemble have been just above average, none have killed the interest, contributing to an intriguing coming together and a financial winner for those backing it.

Enough of the introductory blurb and onto the film itself. I did not enjoy the beginning. It was a necessary opening, laying the foundation for the story to unfold in a logical and cohesive manner. My problem with it was that it was too quickly hiding behind special effects and not nearly dark and sinister enough to enhance the intrigue and impact of the wrong-doings of the nemesis. Several agents of S.H.I.E.L.D were killed in an opening sequence that saw Loki (adopted brother of Thor) pass through a portal in order to steal a sparkly, electric blue cube; all of which happened quickly and sharply in a prologue to his master plan of ruling the Earth. Little seemed to be made of these multiple deaths. They happened in a flash; in a puff of smoke and crack of lightning and precious little more is made of it (aside from a mention in later dialogue).

For me, this whole event could have benefited from being darker. And perhaps this could be said of events throughout the movie; though my preference for a Christopher Nolan trilogy may have a great deal of influence on my point of view. It may be fair to say that this film achieving a 12 certificate (allowing it greater market appeal and further box office potential) affects the level of attention paid to its 'fantasy violence'. What I personally crave in a 'good Vs evil' movie, are polar opposites; a jarring violence and disregard for others versus absolute morality and the quest to oppose all that is wrong (something touched upon during The Dark Knight series). This is what I toil with each and every time I come to view such a movie.

In fairness, not all comic book inspired movies want to go down the darker path and I am by no means claiming it to be the wrong choice. Marvel in particular, seem to have opted for the special-effects-heavy route; sharp, clean, hyper-real settings upon which larger than life enemies clumsily stomp like an age-impaired, small version of a human being traversing from point A to point B through a pile of crispy brown fallen leaves on a park pathway. Shiny (but later scratched up) heroes who lead with charisma and finish with party pieces, saving the day, saving the people; but never without leaving muddy footprints embedded in the white carpet post thwarting of bad-guy wrong-doing.

Tom Hiddleston's Loki is a bit hit and miss for me. On the one hand he has a caramel covered voice perfectly juxtaposed with his mischievous plans, paired with the ideal psychotic glare-under-the-brow needed for any convincing foe. He is a typical Hollywood choice for such a role, geographically evil much in the same way as Jeremy Irons, Anthony Hopkins and Alan Rickman. On the other hand, the character himself doesn't carry the same sort of threat as other villains, despite his Godly status, big magic wand and horned head-piece like some kind of Western world, 'techy' tribal leader. A bad-guy from London's silicon roundabout playing dress-up. Loki comes across somewhat feeble in the circumstances. Unable to physically impose himself upon any of the Avengers. Captain America is not phased by him and he is, as we know from a previous film, absolutely no match for Thor. The reliance is heavily upon his crafty manipulation of egos and their reluctance to trust.

I like Tom Hiddleston and along with Robert Downey Jnr (Iron Man) they weld everything together. The character relationships do feel secondary to the impressive special effects, but Loki's threat loaded monologues and the macho banter between Iron Man and Thor are more than entertaining enough to fill the gaps in action sequences. Captain (as he is frequently referred) is a bit dreary, infrequently allowing his facial expression to veer far from 'cool but confused' with lips slightly parted (pilfered from Scarlett Johansson). Hawkeye and Black Widow feel largely on the periphery despite a fair collection of screen minutes for each, while Dr. Banner in his attempts to subdue his angry green monster, does far too well and is a bit too 'boy in the corner of the playground' amongst bigger personalities. It becomes clear he has good reason when it is evident he cannot control his bigger self; though inexplicably finds the ability to do so during the anticipated assemblage. Most confusing was that Spiderman had decided to take the day off from protecting the massive apple. Surely it did not escape his notice that a portal to another world was open above Tony Stark's phallic dwelling? Or perhaps he received a text on a subtly placed product stating that: "The Avengers have got this one bro".

It isn't a film a would hurry to watch again. No Batman. Plenty of entertainment, satisfying heroics and what can only be described as an all round romp. I can see why it has been popular.

4/5

Nude Nuns With Big Guns [2010]

When you watch a lot of movies, there are occasionally times when you become exposed to something a bit nonsensical but strangely gripping. This is one such movie. Though I should state that really it is not 'strange' as to why I was gripped. The title says it all. And leaves very little to the imagination. 'It does exactly what it says on the tin!' to coin a well known and massively over-used phrase.

'Nude Nuns With Big Guns' is as descriptive as a title could be. There are nude nuns. Though disappointingly, I have seen bigger guns. Don't get me wrong, the guns aren't petite; but I had a preconception of comically over-sized weaponry, the sort that might be used on a Navy battle cruiser to remove the threat of enemy fighter jets, or perhaps a mini-gun wielded wildly from the hip cutting everything in sight in half. The guns that do feature are lavishly decorated and are the shiniest aspect of an otherwise grimy and dirty picture.

This is (I will assume without looking further into the matter) a low-budget modern film, described in some quarters as a 'nunsploitation' piece. When considering this in hind-sight, this is not a bad description as there are many similarities between the make-up of this and films such as Foxy Brown of the 'blacksploitation' pieces. It is essentially a woman scorned, seeking revenge for her adversary's wrong doings, created with limited means and hitting as hard as it can in the circumstances. For me, a true mark of any cost cutting picture, is the detail (or lack thereof) in the violence. Throughout there are obvious tricks used to attempt a seamless transition in the action, such as cutting from one view to another when a knife is thrust into the chest of a gang member, or a split second camera cut between a gun shot and a close up of a bullet wound in the middle of the forehead. Despite the obviousness of these details, things move smoothly and you don't have long to dispute visual effects before something else is happening.

The story is kept quite simple. A house of nuns has been corrupted (as has the religious order in the area) and the women are forced to cut cocaine and package it up in small work rooms while dressed only in their head gear. They are governed by the religious leaders (all male apart from the superior) and answer to an Hispanic gang of biker-types who seem to be in charge of everything. On one drug exchange, a nun inexplicably attempts to steal one of the packages, prompting the gang leader to execute 2 of the 3 on the vehicle while the survivor is given to him as a gift and apology from the Father (priest). She is kept in a strip bar/brothel where she is kept high on drugs and forced to perform sex acts for any who are paying (including one of the former priests who decides to punish her at the same time). A witch doctor working for the gang takes pity on her and rescues her from this oppression. She comes round in his care and declares having spoken to God who has given her a mission to carry out, upon which she shoots the elderly man with the guns he has given her to help in her plight, before escaping and going on a drawn out rampage.

I may have spoilt the plot for anyone willing to watch this movie, but rest assured this is not a film to watch for its story. This is only a secondary concern. With its largely Hispanic cast, this feels a similar prospect to 'El Mariachi', 'Desperado' and 'Once Upon A Time In Mexico', though not nearly as well made. What this film has (and in abundance) is violence, boobs and lesbianism galore (though little full frontal nudity) with a sprinkling of interracial rape. I can only describe it as borderline fetish and probably not a piece to watch if you are the average female. Women, aside from being the lead character and successful vigilante assassin, are largely degraded throughout.

It feels wrong to admit to being entertained by this movie, but I was. There is so much boob I will need to try and Google the boob statistics; loads of slapstick violence, gun play and a totally ridiculous finale and happy ending for the protagonist. What's not to like?

I have intentionally attempted to keep the accompanying imagery as non exploitative as possible. If you want the harder stuff, watch the movie! (Available on Netflix)

3/5 (mainly for the amount of boob)